Jokes

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Drivers Handbook: New Maryland Edition

Posted by on 17 Sep 2012 | Tagged as: Jokes

A sequel to the most popular page on my blog, Driver’s Handbook: Fredericton Edition

Facebook and Twitter icons keep getting bigger

Posted by on 03 Feb 2011 | Tagged as: Jokes, tech

Is it just me, or are those “follow me on Facebook and Twitter” icons taking up more and more screen real estate these days? Just so I don’t feel out of the loop, I made some as large as this WordPress theme would allow:

Next week, I’ll hone my JavaScript and CSS skills to create a “Share me” button that will autoexpand and won’t go away no matter what you do.

How to solve Fredericton’s bad driver problem

Posted by on 15 Nov 2010 | Tagged as: Fredericton, Howto, Jokes

It’s already been well established that Fredericton has a problem with bad drivers. City Hall is unable to find a solution, so I am providing my own. Nothing spreads faster than a scary chain e-mail, so copy & paste this and send it to everyone you know, especially minivan and SUV owners:

Warning from the Fredericton Police Dept:

It has come to our attention that a gang from Halifax is initiating new members in the Fredericton area. Part of their initiation is to shoot at random vehicles that are doing the following:

  • Stopping in merge lanes
  • Stopping in the middle of roundabouts
  • Blocking traffic while waiting to get into Tim Horton’s
  • Blocking intersections during rush hour
  • Not stopping for pedestrians

The Fredericton Police would like to reassure the public that they are safe as long as they don’t do any of the things listed above. We would also like to remind you that the gang that steals kidneys from people who bike on the sidewalks is still active.

Thank you.

Pee…in this place

Posted by on 11 Aug 2009 | Tagged as: Jokes, suggestions

As seen on Twitter:

peeinthisplace

Reference (in case you didn’t get it)

Toronto joke of the day

Posted by on 28 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Fredericton, Jokes

What do they call 30cms of snow in Toronto?

Snowmageddon.

What do they call 30cms of snow in Fredericton?

A Few Flurries

Wimps.

Things you’ll learn once that cute baby turns into a toddler

Posted by on 17 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Crap, Jokes

You’ve seen all those cute lists on Facebook about how precious babies are.  Unfortunately, they don’t stay small and precious forever.  So here’s a sequel to those lists:

Things you’ll learn once that cute baby turns into a toddler

  • You’ll be creative in improvising when you can’t find a coaster
  • You’ll fondly remember the days before remote controls were invented as you’ll never see yours again
  • You’ll be amazed that your cell phone will work once it has been dried out after a dunking in the toilet
  • You’ll figure out quick and easy ways to reattach wallpaper
  • You won’t mind a slobbery kiss, but you’ll draw the line on using tongue
  • You’ll learn all these neat and nifty keyboard shortcuts as your cordless mouse in is the potato bin
  • You will begin to sniff every puddle of liquid in the house
  • You’ll be amazed at how much poop a pair of regular cotton underwear can hold
  • Your car will smell like barf and sour milk and you’ll never find the source.  Eventually you’ll just roll down the windows and stop caring.
  • You’ll tremble with fear when your hear “uh-oh”
  • Your PVR will be full of kids shows
  • You’ll have to find another “quiet place” as you’ll no longer be able to use the bathroom as your sanctuary.
  • You’ll eventually hit “critical mess” where no matter how many more toys get strewn about, it won’t look any messier
  • You’ll learn which kinds of cake sprinkles don’t get digested

Driver’s Handbook: Fredericton Edition

Posted by on 20 May 2008 | Tagged as: Fredericton, Jokes

drivershandbook